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wiga Group: Members Posts: 2113 Joined: Sep. 2008 Posted: Dec. 08 2008, 07:38 PEARLS OF WISDOM - Foolish are those who play Twister on the stairs. Don't fasten your shoelace in a revolving door. -------------- Barn's burnt down - now I can see the moon. Back to top

Scatterplot Group: Members Posts: 1980 Joined: Dec. 2007 Posted: Dec. 08 2008, 08:21 Don't blow all yer whiz on one tree. -------------- We raise our voices in the night Crying to heaven And will our voices be heard Or will they break Like the wind Back to top

Dirk Star Group: Members Posts: 1331 Joined: Sep. 2007 Posted: Dec. 08 2008, 09:02 Never trim your nose hair with a flame thrower Never use the word "stunning" whilst reviewing an album on Tubular.net..   (what about "breathtaking" can I get away with that one?) Back to top

wiga Group: Members Posts: 2113 Joined: Sep. 2008 Posted: Dec. 08 2008, 09:08 When you burn your arse you have to sit on the blisters. -------------- Barn's burnt down - now I can see the moon. Back to top

Harmono Group: Members Posts: 759 Joined: May 2005 Posted: Dec. 08 2008, 12:58 I've been thinking for a while now and it appears I'm all out of wisdom.    I know "FZ" told not to eat the yellow snow. That's wise. Back to top

Sir Mustapha Group: Musicians Posts: 2802 Joined: April 2003 Posted: Dec. 08 2008, 14:05 Airplane crash on a cemetery. Rescue teams count over 500 corpses and counting. -------------- Check out http://ferniecanto.com.br for all my music, including my latest albums: Don't Stay in the City, Making Amends and Builders of Worlds. Also check my Bandcamp page: http://ferniecanto.bandcamp.com Back to top

wiga Group: Members Posts: 2113 Joined: Sep. 2008 Posted: Dec. 08 2008, 15:22 Hit soft things with your hand, but for hard things use a utensil. -------------- Barn's burnt down - now I can see the moon. Back to top

Ugo Group: Members Posts: 5495 Joined: April 2000 Posted: Dec. 08 2008, 17:48 I can only respond with quotes from song lyrics... from what I'm into these days... "Me ... and you... and who knows which is which and who is who?"  - Pink Floyd. "I must've dreamed 1000 dreams, been hunted by 1,000,000 screams, but I can hear the marching feet, they're movin' into the street." - Genesis. Great lyric (Rutherford's, I guess). "Come on, baby, light my fire." - Jim Morrison. -------------- Ugo C. - a devoted Amarokian Back to top

nightspore Group: Members Posts: 4766 Joined: Mar. 2008 Posted: Dec. 08 2008, 17:51 Do pearls of wisdom sing with one voice? Back to top

Bassman Group: Members Posts: 548 Joined: Feb. 2008 Posted: Dec. 08 2008, 17:58 @ Nightspore     This is from my Mom (I think; God knows where she got it from):  Never try to teach a pig to sing; it's a waste of your time and it annoys the pig. Back to top

Dirk Star Group: Members Posts: 1331 Joined: Sep. 2007 Posted: Dec. 09 2008, 04:38 Here are some of my favouriote Top Tips as featured in local comic Viz! Climb onto your neighbour's roof and dangle a fish on a bit of string in front of his windows. He'll think his house is underwater. MOTORISTS. Pressing your 'fog lights' switch a second time after the fog has cleared will actually turn your fog lights off. Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on. Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. KVL 741Y, An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator. Sweetcorn fans. Save money on loo paper by simply pouring the stuff straight down the pan. Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply pissing in the sink. OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know. A TEASPOON placed in a glass on the back seat of your car makes a handy audible gauge for road bump severity. TAXI drivers. Why not pop into the garage and ask them to fix your indicators lights for you so that other motorists know where the heck you're going. Foil pick pockets by placing a freshly toasted "Pop Tart" in each pocket. Would-be thieves will quickly rupture the fragile pastry and receive nasty finger burns from the steaming hot jam inside. TAKE your dustbin to the supermarket with you so that you can see which items you have recently run out of. PEOPLE whose surname is Toblerone should always take along an empty 'Toblerone' chocolate box when attending interviews for office jobs. This would save your potential employer the expense of having to make a name plaque for your desk, and therefore increase your chances of getting the job. A length of plastic drainpipe with a roller skate at each end makes an ideal "car" for snakes. Stop bread from drying out by keeping it in a bucket of water. Record the sound of your washing machine onto a tape, then confuse neighbours by playing it back on a battery operated cassette player during a powercut. Terrify ants into believing they have been invaded by "War Of The Worlds" style Martians by standing 3 pin plugs on end around their holes. Fool passers by into thinking you keep a bird of prey by walking down the street wearing a leather gauntlet, waving a piece of raw meat in your hand and constantly looking up into the sky. DRIVERS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone while driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea. CAR THIEVES: Don't be discouraged if nothing is on view. The valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat. RAPPERS: Avoid having to say: "Know what I'm sayin'" all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place. SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day. SINGLE MEN: Convince people you have a girlfriend by standing outside Topshop with bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside. YOUNG mothers: Calm hysterically crying children in the supermarket by firmly slapping their legs and then tugging them along by the wrist. Back to top

nightspore Group: Members Posts: 4766 Joined: Mar. 2008 Posted: Dec. 09 2008, 06:10 Quote (Bassman @ Dec. 08 2008, 17:58) @ Nightspore     This is from my Mom (I think; God knows where she got it from):  Never try to teach a pig to sing; it's a waste of your time and it annoys the pig. Bassman, are you trying to say don't cast pearls of wisdom before swine? Back to top

wiga Group: Members Posts: 2113 Joined: Sep. 2008 Posted: Dec. 09 2008, 06:36 Don't try to catch a slippery pig on a wet dyke. -------------- Barn's burnt down - now I can see the moon. Back to top

Bassman Group: Members Posts: 548 Joined: Feb. 2008 Posted: Dec. 09 2008, 09:05 @ Nightspore. Funny!  Dang, why didn't I see that coming?     Back to top

ex member 419 Group: Members Posts: 1177 Joined: April 2008 Posted: Feb. 12 2009, 02:45 Well howdy you are a comical lot, thanks for making me lol Back to top

CuNimb Group: Members Posts: 222 Joined: July 2003 Posted: Feb. 12 2009, 03:18 Remember, half the people you know are below average... -------------- Happy? ha ha ha.... Back to top

CuNimb Group: Members Posts: 222 Joined: July 2003 Posted: Feb. 12 2009, 03:23 If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.. -------------- Happy? ha ha ha.... Back to top

CuNimb Group: Members Posts: 222 Joined: July 2003 Posted: Feb. 12 2009, 03:29 If the 7 11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why does it have locks on the door?   ..I could go on all day... somebody stop me!! -------------- Happy? ha ha ha.... Back to top

wiga Group: Members Posts: 2113 Joined: Sep. 2008 Posted: Feb. 12 2009, 10:09 Quote (CuNimb @ Feb. 12 2009, 03:18) Remember, half the people you know are below average... Half the people you know are above average - (then). Your glass could be half full and half empty at the same time ... -------------- Barn's burnt down - now I can see the moon. Back to top

Ugo Group: Members Posts: 5495 Joined: April 2000 Posted: Feb. 12 2009, 14:17 From The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, a weird (but soapy) film I saw last week: "They say an old man is twice a child." - Shakespeare [Rosencrantz to Hamlet, Act II, Scene 2]. -------------- Ugo C. - a devoted Amarokian Back to top

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